TEMUKA SEIDO KARATE

   Individually we are one drop - Together we are an ocean

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It Seems To Make Sense!?
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • Do not argue with an idiot - he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • Politicicans and diapers have one thing in common - they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
  • Evening news is where they begin with -Good Evening., and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  • If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
  • If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea 5 does that mean that one enjoys it??
  • Some people are like Slinkies .. Not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out that I just wanted pay checks.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
  • A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • The shinbone is a devise for finding furniture in a dark room.
  • The sole purpose of a childs middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  • Some people say -if you can't beat them, join them.. I say -if you can't beat them, beat them., because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
  • Friends come and go - but enemies seem to accumulate.
  • Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
  • I used to have a handle on life - then it broke.
  • Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Need Motivation To Exercise??

 

Did You Ever Wonder??
  • Why the sky lightens our hair, but darkens our skin
  •  Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouths closed?
  • Why you don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
  • Why doctors call what they do “practice”?
  • Why there isn’t mouse flavoured cat food?
  • Who tastes dog food when it has a “new and improved flavour”?
  • Why they don’t make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
  • Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?
  • Why they call the airport the “terminal” if flying is so safe?
  • Can you choke to death while eating a lifesaver?
  • Does a blind dog need a seeing-eye person?
  • Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • How does Teflon stick to the pan?
  • How a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
  • And ... despite the cost of living, have you noticed that it still remains so popular?

 

 

You Know You've Been In Martial Arts Too Long When .....
  • You find yourself casually standing in crane stance
    You trip, go into a roll and come up into fighting stance – at work
    You answer your boss ‘’Osu’’
    You tie your bathrobe belt in a square knot. Then check to make sure the ends are exactly even.
    You accept your change from the cashier using a perfect knife hand with the thumb carefully tucked in.
    You say to the salesman "nice pants, but I don’t think I can kick in them".
    You bow going in and out of the bathroom.
    Your friend tries to give you a high-5 and you put him in an arm lock - by accident
    You use various strikes and kicks to turn lights on and off.

 

London Times Obituary of the late Mr Common Sense ...

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend - Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

· Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

· Why the early bird gets the worm;

· Life isn't always fair;

· And maybe it was my fault

Common Sense
lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense
lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense
lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense
took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense
finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

 

In Shape??

 

Paradoxes (apparently contradictory ideas) to get you thinking
  • Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
    Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”.
    Why is bra singular and panties plural?
    Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
    Why do we say something is “out of whack”? What is a whack???
    Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
    How come abbreviated is such a long word?
    Why do we press harder on the buttons of a remote control, when you know the batteries are dead?

 

Martial Arts Inspired Jokes

How many karate students does it take to change a light bulb?

- three -

One to hold the light bulb.

A Kyoshi to teach the technique.

And one to come "with empty hands"

 

What is "de ja fu"? The feeling that somewhere, somehow, you’ve been kicked in the head like this before!!

 

What do you call a pig that does karate? - Pork Chop!

 

Zen Sarcasm
  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
  • The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
  • Don't be irreplaceable - If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • Always remember that you're unique - Just like everyone else.
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  • If at first you don't succeed - skydiving is not for you.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  • Some days you're the bug - some days you're the windshield.
  • Everyone seems normal - until you get to know them.
  • The quickest way to double your money - is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

Some Things To Think About!!
  • SAVE THE WHALES - COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.
  • A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE ... NIGHT.
  • HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST.
  • DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.
  • THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.
  • SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.
  • A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.
  • CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.
  • PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS - TOMORROW.
  • IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.
  • WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.
  • HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.
  • EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.
  • IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?
  • HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?
  • EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.
  • INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED.
  • JUST REMEMBER - IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.
  • LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.

 

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